Maiden in Distress

The Scene: My overpriced, tiny, 495 sq ft efficiency apartment, very near downtown Dallas. Its just big enough for what I need, small, but cozy. To make my oversized hotel room feel as if I have a bedroom and a living room, I have a bookcase separating my bed from my living area. The bed is in the back corner of the room up against two of the walls and closed in on the third side by the bookcase, leaving only the foot of the bed for entry.

The Problem: I have been missing the remote to my TV for several days now, and last night I finally got sick of getting out of bed to turn the TV off... I started looking for my maiden in distress.

The Search: Well, I didn't have to search far and wide, the land was not vast. As I crouched on the ground with my flashlight at the foot of my bed, I spotted it ... there was my maiden in distress... my remote... strategically placed, and perfectly out of reach, in the middle of the underside of the bed.

The Rescue: Had the maiden been near the side of the bed I might have been able to reach it while laying on the bed, but I couldn't. She had fallen, strategically placing herself in the middle under the bed, out of my arms reach. I spent the next 20 minutes stretching and reaching in the hopes that I could just move the remote closer to the side of the bed. I used every item I could think of to get under there, but not a single one would work.

The Solution: I stopped for a moment, thinking to myself... Could I move something? Yes, move the bed! You are a genius! ... nope, every time I tried to move it, the mattress would move, but the box springs and frame would not... Ok, maybe move the bookcase. Yes! that would work... nope, it didn't, way to heavy... Maybe I could carefully fit sideways in the 6 inch space between the bed and the wall? Yes! then I could reach!... I carefully laid down. Now wedged in between my wall and my bed, I realized that this was ALSO a very bad idea. I couldn't move my arms, I couldn't move my legs... now I was the one in DISTRESS! I was stuck, all alone, with no one to yell to... I am going to die, all alone, wedged up against the wall in my tiny little apartment [panic sets in]. I wiggled, ever so frantically, until I could get up onto one knee, almost ripping my arm out of its socket as I lifted myself back up to a standing position... Praise Jesus! I'm out! I won't die alone wedged up against the wall in my tiny apartment... glad that no one was there to see what she had just done to herself, she starts to give up. But wait...[light bulb flashes above her head] with this genius thought coming to mind, she jumped in bed, embarrassed that she hadn't thought of it sooner. This plan was bound to work, no fail. It was good one. The best she had come up with... Forget you maiden, I am going to Radio Shack tomorrow to buy a new universal remote.

The End.